Friday, December 5, 2008

Officer Friendly

I like to drive fast. Not crazy fast...I just don't see the need to spend any more time in my car than is absolutely necessary. I'm not a big fan of road signs or traffic laws, either. If you can't figure out that you should stop before trying to turn left across the highway into oncoming traffic without a sign to tell you to do so, then your state's DMV probably needs to be audited for giving you a license in the first place. Look, I'm not trying to be rebellious or anti-authoritarian. I just have a sort of natural disdain for somebody trying to force me to employ the common sense that I am already using.

OK, I'm dramatising it a bit. For the record, I do follow traffic laws; most of the time I even do so quite happily. I realize that due to the astounding lack of common sense that seems to run rampant in our society, without those laws, limits and signs it would probably be mayhem out there on the roads. I do, however, believe that common sense should always trump a sign or limit.

For instance...strictly hypothetically speaking...take the stop sign at the end of the road that leads to the airport where I work. The road ends onto another rural road with not a lot of traffic. You have to make a couple of more turns before you are out on the highway in the main part of town where you will actually see other cars. When I am leaving work, I have to make a right-hand turn at this stop sign. Rarely do you see another car on the road that I turn on to. In the middle of the night, make that never. So, 'common sense' would tell you that if you are the only car within a mile of that stop sign in the middle of the night with no one but the elk around, you save gas and actually help the environment by not coming to a complete stop. Right? I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course.

I know you're on board with me here. The problem is...Officer Friendly wasn't. OK, so this isn't exactly 'hypothetical'. Truth be told, that stop sign and I have a long-standing rivalry. It glares at me every time I leave work with that cynical smirk that says, "We both know that there is really no reason for my presence here, but you still have to do what I say. Jerk.". And I routinely look back into its haughty face and yell, "Watch me!" as I step on the accelerator and zip around the corner. 99 times out of 100 there is absolutely no one around to witness our little power struggle. 99 times out of 100 I have the satisfaction of knowing that I have defeated my rival. In sports franchise terms, that's a dynasty, baby! I'm more dominating than Kelly Slater or Michael Jordan or Michael Shumacher or Tiger Woods!

The problem is that other 1 time out of 100. Officer Friendly isn't privy to the angst that exists between myself and the stop sign. He doesn't see how the stop sign baits me, how it begs me to show it who is boss. He can't possibly know that the stop sign was asking for what I just did to it. So, when I pass him going WAY faster than I would be if I had actually stopped at the stop sign, he naturally assumes that I am the guilty party and promptly flips around and pulls me over.

Now, I gotta give Officer Friendly some credit here. Right off the bat, it is clear that while he may not condone my actions, he at least sympathizes with my plight. I don't know, maybe that stop sign has a reputation for being arrogant. Maybe Officer Friendly has his own private war with his own traffic sign. Whatever...when he comes to my window with his 15 gazillion candle-power flashlight aimed in my eyes, I realize from the tone of his voice (I couldn't actually see anything for about another 20 minutes after the flashlight burned a hole in my retinas) that he is a reluctant, secret supporter of my crusade to overthrow the stop sign.

After the standard introduction, you know the one (heck, maybe you don't...maybe you are putting my good-citizenship to shame by never getting pulled-over), he told me with a grin (I could vaguely make out the change in facial expression through the scar tissue on my eyeballs) that the next time I decide not to stop at that sign, just to make sure that there are no cops around beforehand. He took a look at my driver's license, told me to have a safe night and sent me on my way. How I made it home with no sense of vision whatsoever is another story.

As I drove home squinting and trying to see the fog line on the side of the road, part of me was embarrassed and part of me was trying to think of how I could apply this little lesson to my life. Other than the obvious issues I have with inanimate objects and the lesson about what bright light does to your night vision, I think that there are a few gems to be taken away from this experience. I'm gonna pick one for now and go with it.

How many times are we presented with a choice that no one except for ourselves will ever see? How many times do we think, "It doesn't really matter what I do here, because no one else will ever know one way or the other"? Even with the 'small stuff', how many times do we have an opportunity to do the right thing or to 'blow it' and we choose to let our guard down? Just like Jeremy and that stop sign...chances are, no one will ever know. That's great, except for one thing. God is the ultimate Officer Friendly. Our odds stink when it comes to eluding Him. He's sitting by that stop sign 100 times out of 100. He's gonna see us every time. And you know what? It's not so much the act of running the stop sign that He cares about. He doesn't like 'Mr. Big Shot, I'm Cool, You Have To Stop For Me' stop sign either. What He's really watching for is to see if we make the choice to honor Him when no one's looking. It's not really you and the stop sign. It's you and God. I know it's a silly analogy, but isn't it just like our Father to use silly things to drive home spiritual Truth? He's always speaking to us. Even in the silly, the mundane or the downright weird. We just have to be willing to listen. He wants to know that we love him so much that we will honor him even when no one else will ever know.

Matthew 6:6 says, "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who [is] in the secret [place]; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."

I know Jesus said this in the context of not being proud and doing things to look cool in front of others. But it proves that God cares more about what goes on inside of us, in our secret lives, than He does about the things that everyone sees. He wants us to put him first all of the time. He wants to know that we will even let the stupid stop sign win if it shows commitment to Him.

3 comments:

  1. I cannot help but giggle that you have such a complex inner life going on with traffic law defiance.

    I diagnose you with fear of becoming too straight of an arrow. : P

    Stop at stop signs and take up skydiving instead! Go out with your hair on fire.

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  2. You have cracked the crust to a lot of driving scare tissue. All of it self-induced. I will just say that the hardest part of any interaction with Johnny Law has to be the moment of silence when the officer dips down and asks, "why are you driving so fast?"

    I begin to sweat, actually believing that there are right and wrong answers to this question. I quickly look to the audience for help (usually my wife who has just been woken up by flashing lights on a long road trip) the audience is no help, just like on the price is right. 5,000! No wait, 2700! Damn it! As if I could possibly dial up the perfect answer. . . my house is on fire, my wife is in labor, my last meal was Mexican. There's no hope. By now in the moment of silence, I have found time to become irritated with the question, and fire back a question of my own:
    Officer, is there actually an answer I may give, that would change the outcome of this human exchange? Of course after finishing my retort, I can predict his expression and response.
    I am hosed. Please notify my insurance company for the rest of my life. . .

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  3. Folks, when it comes to 'driving issues' and run-ins with John Law, I must here take a bow to the ultimate expert, the Michael Jordan of traffic infrigement negotiation: Adriel Rollins.

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